So I’m getting ready for work this morning, and LED on my phone is flashing…

I check my text messages and I have this:

James: call me a retail junkie. i earn my keep bitch. go sleep with some more taken men.
Sent: 03:54 AM

God.. I wrote that entry about us breaking up about a month ago. After that, I moved on with my life. I dunno, considering he broke up with me, I think it’s kinda funny that he still takes the time to see what I’m upto because lord knows I don’t keep up with him! I’m not complaining though, every click gets me closer to getting another check from Google. YAY!

I give up trying to understand them. RAWR!!!

Drinking a couple glasses of wine seems to be a little counterproductive to me working out earlier… but I forgot how nice it is to just unwind with a few glasses of Merlot and a sketchbook. Just so relaxed right now, I feel amazing!

I will scan some of the work later.

Besides being in a meh mood @ work… I am having a great day, and I forgot how amazing Bob Sinclar is… come back and perform in the US, I command you! I promise I love the French! haha

I forgot how trippy this video is!

First off, I’m sick and tired of James and his lame friends making up all these absurd stories about me!

1) Everytime James gets shit faced drunk, it only takes him one second to go from nice to insane. For example, on New Year’s, I didn’t want to hook up with him, and he tried strangling me IN FRONT of his sister, her bf and his friend. Then last month, I told him his dog was lame, and he grabbed my arm, shoved me out the door of his house, and as I get into MY CAR he slams the car door on my leg.

So this bullshit that he would never hit a girl is completely FALSE!

2) Last month, I called everyone in my phonebook, including this girl Becky which is James’ bar buddy friend while James was being a psychoic drunk. She tells me her version of Lavonne Costco party story, which was, James invited Lavonne bc he had a crush on her blah blah blah. And the version I heard was that her and Justin just broke up and James made her out to sound like a loser… getting super drunk and embarassing her at the party. Now everyone’s version is getting skewed, and I’m the one causing drama. LAME

He breaks up with me that night then manages to forget everything he’s ever done. FUCKING STUPID

3) He was always an asshole to me, and I was stupid to put up with it as long as I did. Honestly, he was the WORST boyfriend ever, and I was really really really really lame to put up with him. He had no problem telling me that I wasn’t attractive or fat. He would always tell me, “I feel SORRY for you that you support your mother.” He had an unrefined pallet for good food… and he would always say, “I know I’m an asshole to you.”

I’ve come to the conclusion that all of James and his lame friends and his lame family are losers that just sit around talking crap about people, victimizing themselves in their lame stories, and the highest aspirations they could possibly fathom would be winning some sort of beer pong competition. Seriously, yes we broke up, but you are an absolute loser to be so childish to email and call every person in the world that you know to victimize yourself.

So lesson learned, I’m never dating a retail junkie/ignorant/self-victimizing/unambitious loser ever again.

Pet peeve of the day: I can’t update this blog at work. Stupid firewalls ::shakes fist::

Anyhow, I’m glad things are working out. I made the decision awhile ago to never be like my mother in the sense that she is extremely impatient, holds nasty grudges, is always angry at something, complains but never resolves, terrible with money… don’t get me wrong, I love her, but I never, ever want to be like her. It has been a slow transition, but I can honestly say I think I’ve mastered the art of being more than patient and just letting things roll. Voltaire said it best that to enjoy life, you have to take most everything lightly.

Things have been falling into place as they should be. Being so patient and just not worrying about anything seems to be really paying off. So many wonderful opportunities have presented themselves! I don’t even know where to start… I feel like I’m dreaming!

With this probate mess out of the way, I will be touring the Pacific Rim with very specific instructions of people and places I need to visit. It’s me +3 – so far I’ve gotten Iris to go. I <3 you!

Phantom Planet definitely nailed it. That is exactly how this past month or so has been for me… you know, that limbo-feeling.

Where to start? So James and I reconciled shortly after that fiasco, although I haven’t seen him or heard from him since. It wasn’t really a reconciliation as much as it was me trying to get my stuff, and him saying, “What the fuck are you talking about? We’re together.” Although we are “together,” I can honestly say, my heart is no longer in this relationship. It’s back to meaningless titles and showing face at social events.

Why do I put up with his bullshit? Everyone asks me this, and the answer, as lame as it is, at least he admits he’s an asshole. He doesn’t sugarcoat it. He admits he’s terrible to me, he gets violent when drunk… it’s predictable. It’s better than being disappointed with finding someone else who just lies and plays games and does the same exact shit later on. And yes, I know, I’ve lost all rights to complain or ask for help, and if anything shitty happens to me onward, it will be absolutely my fault.

I’ve been going out a lot lately. More so that usual… and what I’m finding is that most of friends just are partied out or just can’t keep up with me. It sucks. I’m young, and I want to go out and have a blast.. but no one is ever game anymore.. or if they are, their intentions aren’t usually the best… so I’ve been mellowing out. It’s boring, but my liver and my lungs are thanking me. Everyone got all of this partying out of their system so early on I feel like. They binged at 21 or we eTards at 15… for me, a person who is just really sensible all the time, never really abused anything, who finally decides to be a little wreckless.. I’m all alone.

What really irks me is that everything in my life, other than going out and boys, is going very well. I’m financially independant, I own property, I have good friends, a good family, a running car, a great pet guinea pig… but me and relationships never seem to mesh. I’m over relationships, being a girlfriend… over all of the drama that comes with being committed to someone. Let’s all just be hedonists! haha

On a really bright note, I got a letter from father’s lawyer to call him right away today. I’ve been in this probate nightmare for the Erard piano and whatever assets were left by my father and Etty. I pretty much gave up hope on ever seeing those things. This phone call though definitely put some light onto my otherwise melancholy day. Dad was great at hiding his assets. He was the type to bury money, hide money in jars, the whole shabang. Anyhow, there was a discovery of a Last Will and Testament in the Philippines when my father’s safe deposit box was finally opened. Thank God! This LWAT finally itemized everything he ever owned, things that most of us were unaware.. therefore I can finally apply for Will for Probate and get what is rightfully mine! Hallelujah! All I really want is the cottage on Samal and the piano…. but finally! I win!

James broke up with me in the wee hours of the morning today. He calls me telling me to come by because he’s distraught over his grandmother’s heart attack. I drive over there, and he wants to hook up. I wasn’t in the mood, I was tired and I just wanted to sleep.

He picks a fight with me, and started saying mean things just so I can argue with him some more like, “Just go, I can call someone else over to fuck me,” and “I don’t need you, I just need my dog.” Upset (and I totally don’t bother to think about what I’m saying when I’m upset) said, “Your dog isn’t even trained!”

This set him off. He grabs my arm and shoves me out the front door. And on the top of his lungs, screams, “We are through, get off my fucking property you bitch.” I was confused, tried to apologize and tried to talk to him, and he threatened to call the police.

I sat in my car, trying to compose myself before I could start driving. And james came out like every 2 seconds to pound on my window to tell me to leave, not really helping my stress level at all. I call literally everyone in my phone book, and Becky answered. Thank God! She picked me up and left that hell hole.

As we drive back to her house, I get a text from james saying keep away and he’s reporting me to the lp officer at costco and how he will call the police if I’m ever over in his neighborhood.

All I can say is, what a fucking drunken idiot to break up with someone over a dog. I can do better, and I will do better.

Eff boys. <3 lea