New Year’s is around the corner, and that means, New Year’s Resolutions, etc… I’m not really looking forward to it at all. Why? Because I am terrible about finishing what I start. I think a lot of it stems from my fear of failure or feeling pressured to complete things.

I’m going to take baby steps… starting with small short term goals… and try to work my way up. So far, I’ve done relatively well with my financial goals. I started Paxil… it made me feel very void, but it helped me in my motivation… but I’ve decided to stop taking it, and just sticking to the Clonezapam… Anxiety isn’t going to get me this time!!

Just a lot going on… and I really don’t know where to start or finish. Feeling rather random. Maybe , I should sleep.

I haven’t been completing my lists… and lately, I’ve been lacking focus (surprising, I think not). I was reading a feed from Serendipity’s Guide to Saving (it’s one of my favorite personal finance blogs) and she had a list of what she envisions for herself  and her perfect future, and I decided to do the same. It’ll be nice to look back in a few years to see how everything panned out

1. What time do you wake up, and how are you feeling as you greet the day?
For work, I would ideally like to wake up at 5AM and get to work really early, and leave early… with a big smile on my face all day long.

2. Where are you? If you’re at home, what does it look like?
I will be in a 3-4 bedroom house with an AMAZING view. Berkley or Paia would be my top choices in cities to live in. I will have the large front and back yard, white picket fence and everytime I walk through the door, I can breathe and feel at home for the first time.

3. Who is with you?
I pray that AMH get’s his shit together and it’ll be us. But more than likely, I will be the “animal” lady on the block with a Greate Dane and a Dachsund.

4. What kind of work are you doing?
I will be at a job that allows me to grow and learn… With my degree, I want to work for a political marketing firm or do the books for a politician… or manage a political manager. Maybe after having some experience under my belt, I will go back to school… become a lawyer.

5. As you head out to face the day, how do you look? What are you wearing?
Classy and sexy! Clean & fresh makeup, tan and always in a killer pair of heels. For example, red Louboutin platform heels with khaki slacks, silk leopard blouse, with a black cardigan and red mini-belt.

6. How do you get to work?
An Aptera! It’s aerodynamic with AMAZING fuel economy…. and for the same price as a prius, but better

7. When you’re done with work, how will you spend you spare time and with whom? What activities do you enjoy?
I would spend time with people who enjoy my company and who want to create amazing memories. People that put smiles on my face.

8. When is your evening like?
I honestly can’t say… but I will be very happy.

9. When you go to bed that night, how are you feeling after spending the day doing exactly what you love?
Over joyous that I will not be living my life like my mother’s.

10. What are you most grateful for and what are you looking forward to as you go to sleep?
I’m grateful that I’ve managed to do so well for myself without much help of others. And I look forward to falling asleep in MY home with the people/animals that I love. I’m a simple gal..

Lea

So, for the most part, I think so far in terms of to-do lists, I’m doing an okay job. I’m crossing off items, identifying issues (being lazy) and I get to start anew again. I’m very happy

Last week, I was able to get quite a bit done. The initial execution went well, but then I had a major fail slowly following… example?

I did create a budget for myself, one I knew I could stick with. But then some drama entered my life, and emotional spending kicked in… so that budget went out the window, as well as eating well. Sure, I logged all of my food, but I’ve exceeded my daily RDI (Recommended Daily Intake) by at least 500 calories each day, and sure I exercised…. but it didn’t really make up for the bad eating habits. Either way, I’m not going to beat myself up over the mistakes I’ve done. All I can do is try to do better. My life is slowly coming together, and I can’t get discouraged now! What I’m going to do now is make my goals feel more obtainable so I will be more likely to accomplish them… and then gradually increase the difficulty, intensity, etc.

So here is my list of things I would like to accomplish this week:

1. Blog at least 3 times a week.
2. Work on Chapter 8-9 for my Philosophy class.
3. Start my Philosophy project that is due in 2 weeks. (Total priority!)
4. Get at least 3 hours of exercise a week.
5. Make my $140 dollars stretch until 11/15! (This will be rough!)
6. Read the books I’ve checked out at the library, even if it’s only 1 chapter this week…

I’m keeping my fingers crossed

Complete Success!

• Drink at least 80 oz. of water each day & record it
• Follow up on my CSUDH application
• Buy head & tail lamp for my road bike
• Log all the food I eat into fatsecret.com
• Started my new budget for 10/31/09-11/15/09.

Semi-Success!

• Go to the gym for at least an hour 3 times a week & entering it into fatsecret.com: I did go at least 3 times a week, but I only worked out for 40-45min for two of those days. At least I got off my ass!
• Drink at least 80 oz of water each day & record it: I didn’t record what I was drinking, but I’ve been drinking water like it was the last thing I will ever get to drink!
• Read and complete Ch.7-9 Philosophy homework: I only read Chapter 7 and I did a half ass job on the assignment. The other 2 I’m currently working on.

!! FAIL !!

The reason for the FAIL? Sheer procrastination and laziness. No real valid reason

• Go to yoga at least once a week (at the gym or studio)
• Blog at least 3 times a week
• Read 3 chapters from each book I borred from the library
• Start my project for my philosophy class
• Decorate my newing cleaned apartment

Starting today, I’m going to start challenging myself with a Goal/To Do list.  Every Monday, I’ll update my list with what I did and did not accomplish. I’m trying to hold myself accountable for the things I want to do, and if for whatever reason I don’t do it, I want to know why… So why the list? I’m very visual, and if I don’t accomplish something, I’m forced to explain why I didn’t every week… then if I notice a pattern, I can do everything in my abilities to fix it. Makes sense right?

1. Go to the gym for at least an hour 3 times a week & remembering to put it into fatsecret.com.
2. Log all the food I eat into fatsecret.com
3. Buy my head & tail lamp for my road bike.
4. Go to yoga at least once a week (at the gym or the studio)
5. Drink at least 80 oz. of water each day & record it
6. Blog at least 3 times a week.
7. Read 3 chapters of each book I borrowed from the library… maybe I’ll have something to write about from there.
8. Follow up with CSUDH with my application.
9. Read and complete Ch.7-9 Philosophy HW.
10. Start my project for my philosophy class.
11. Start a new budget on Friday, 10/30/09.
12. Decorate my newly cleaned apartment… remember, less is more!

I know I can do all those things this week… it’s just a matter of remembering Thank God for the Astrid App for my phone!

After reading this… maybe there is hope that there are some genuinely nice people out there.

I pray I have a moment like this. Saint Pio… can you make this happen?

I guess its a rough patch again. I dislike this bipolar thing I seem to attract.

Since my birthday, I have been feeling rather blue. I feel like I haven’t accomplished as much as I should have… and I am no where near where I should be financially. Of all my friends, I will be the last to get my bachelor’s degree. I’m at a job in which I don’t see very much opportunity for advancement. I still live at home…

With all the being said, I am very grateful to have Dwele in my life. I admit, we have our rough patches, but the one thing I am taking from this experience is all the things I’m learning from him.

1. Everyone needs f*** you money. For the first time in my life, I am forcing myself to save $. And I’m not touching it! I never want to be in a position to ever borrow $$ from an ex. I only have a double digit amount saved, but its a start!

2. Be a woman, not a girl. At first, I didn’t undestand what he meant. Biologically, I am a woman and not a girl… but its so much more than that!
a) be confident in yourself and your decisions.
b) look, dress, speak and carry yourself like a woman.
c) Cosmo put the last one best, be a fun, fearless female

3) Always follow through. I have a hard time with this one because I’m so indecisive. I’m getting better though.

those would be the top three on my list…. to be honest, I lost my train of thought, and I need to rest my head.

Its just the first day of the month, but it means I’m one day closer to the new year.

It’s only been 8 hrs since my birthday (I was born 7AM) and I can’t believe how great my day as been so far!

• Dwele and I are going to Vegas this weekend.
• My friends at work all pitched in for a bottle of Patron & they took me out to lunch… love it!
• After work, me and shyla.monster will be @ the Hat with Geoff & Kyle for dinner…
• Dwele and I are going to go out and paint the town red! I think I’m going to get me a lap dance @ the Castle
• Mike finally got my birthday right! He wasn’t a day off! He gave me a happy birthday call
• All the <3 on myspace & facebook <3 you guys!

I think this is going to be the best birthday yet. Thank you to all of you who made my day extra special!