On New Year’s I made the decision to start up on Paxil again. It’s been two weeks, and I noticed a considerable difference on how I react to things and how I feel. I’m happier, more optimistic and I am capable to thinking clearly.

It was silly of me to go off of it when I did. I admit, I was afraid that this little white, oblong pill would control my life. But now that I can handle my issues non-emotionally, I can take control of my life then get off it once everything gets sorted out.

It’s been a great relief.

So, yesterday wasn’t so great for me. Although I bought lunch, out of boredom, I bought bacon cheese fries. Was I hungry? No… Did I enjoy them? Yes… Did I feel terribly guilty and sluggish afterwards? Yes!! Because of this, I decided to force myself to log my food into Fat Secret before I make the decision to eat it. It’s the only way I can keep track of calories and make decisions about the food I’m about to eat.

I checked out a book at the library called The Complete Beck Diet after reading a review from Jen of priorfatgirl.com. It’s not actually a diet book (provides some recipes) but a cognitive therapy approach to weight loss. Basically, choose the nutritional diet of your choice, eat things you like in moderation, and be conscious of your eating habits. The book goes into accountability and planning. I think if I follow this “diet” I will be able to maintain some weight loss. I’m quite excited.

I didn’t go to the gym yesterday as I had hoped. I fell asleep first thing when I got home. Today, I was about to go to the gym, and realized my headphones were at the office [[RAWWRRRR]]. The 2009 me would have thought, “It happened for a reason. Tomorrow is another day.” But, taking in what I’ve learned from the Beck Diet, everyone makes mistakes. Instead of delaying a mistake, be proactive and keep going if you mess up. So, I went onto Time Warner’s On Demand Exercise TV station, and chose 2 pilates work outs (total 30 mins) and 1 yoga work out (10 mins). Granted, the calorie burn isn’t as much as me hitting the weights and the elliptical, but at least I got the  ball rolling. I’m really proud of myself.

Hopefully, sometime this week, I’ll post a before picture with some measurements.

Anyhow online world, have a wonderful night!

Happy 2010!!

Things I want to work on this year:

1. Actively budget my $
2. Finally start my E-Fund by depositing at least $105 each paycheck.
3. Find other modes of income – preferably passive income
4. Go to the gym at least 5 times a week
5. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
6. Blog more
7. Bring my lunch to work at least 3 times a week
8. Finish reading at least one book
9. Go to church on Sundays
10. Find a new hobbie

I think these goals will be easy to obtain… let’s all pray it works out! I’ll have a progress check in 3 months!

2000 – 15 – The moment I realized I could hustle men pnline because I was cute, Asian, thin and busty… lots of trouble and blackmail to ensue. The start of really bad karma… Moved in with Mom and sis as pop’s health was deteriorating… Rang in the NYEs at Together As One – still raving sober.

2001 – 16 – Nothing sweet about being 16. Became obsessed with things to preoccupy my thoughts so I wouldn’t have to deal with anxiety of dad being ill… the obsession? Food and exercise. 800 calories a day max, ran 4 miles a day, swam 250 yards + 100s of sit ups, crunches and weights – hit rock bottom & landed myself in the emergency room. Rang in the NYEs at Together As One – still raving sober.

2002 – 17 – Had an official boyfriend that I literally only saw 4 times out of the 4 months we dated. Hustled more money, and became the “it” forum gf. Couldn’t find a gamer or raver forum without my pictured plastered everywhere. Annual salary of being someone’s online GF? 15K for chatting, and never once ever speaking on the phone or meeting these men. Oh the times before Facebook and Myspace! This year, rang in the New Year at Disneyland… it was a good at idea before we went… terrible after we went. Too many people and crying kids!

2003 – 18 – Got tired of my life and checked out to Maui. Then, I ran out of money, sucked up my pride, and called my mom to ask her to take me home. Barely made it through school, most of my friends bailed out on me when I needed them the most, and dad passes on Graduation. Officially depressed, hello drugs and many other health problems!

2003-2004 - 19 – Sean P Jacobs. The beginning of a very long relationship with someone who would become by best friend and confidant – the nerdy power couple chapter of my life begins. I sobered up & things were looking up.

2005 – 19 – still with Sean. The weight gain begins (ugh) – still sober – No more hustling $$ – Survived a car accident to end all car accidents… the huge ball of debt begins. 

2006 – 21 Nothing new. Still with Sean, but the realization that we were just friends instead of bf/gf becomes very, very apparent.

2007 – 22 Finally get an answer regarding my car accident… I get no money although I was fully covered and the accident was not my fault… total medical costs $30K!! Maxed out every credit card I owned to pay for the Dr. EFF! This year, the geeky adventure with Sean ends as bf/gf. Very cordial break up, and we still remain friends.

2008 – 23 – The James chapter begins. It was fun at first, but it became stagnant, boring and stressful. We were good friends, but a terrible couple. Sean’s new love obsessively stalks me in every internet avenue available, and did not seem to understand the just friends concept… or that my personal belief of when it’s over, it’s really over, and I will never want to relive that chapter of my life.

2009 – 24 – The James chapter ends and the interesting chapter of Dwele starts. Lots of car trouble, lots of money trouble… but I’ve managed to get this far and I haven’t fallen apart yet.

2010??

I’m a big fan of Yanko Design. The site is filled with creative, beatiful and practical pieces of art. Designs can be  submitted by visitors of the site, and I believe there are resident designers as well…

Anyhow, today I came across their article What the Pho… I love pho! It’s one of those dishes I can eat just about every day. It’s a traditional Vietnamese dish with white rice noodles, beef or chicken soup, and a plethera of tasty meat, served along side with basil, scallions, and bean sprouts.

I’m digressing again… well, Omid Sadri created this ingenius bowl set for pho. The large bowl at the bottom is for the pho, the middle bowl is for the herbs and bean sprouts and the very top most part for lime… I personally would put the limes with the herbs and use it as a dipping sauce bowl…. but either way… It’s amazingly functional and space saving! (My favorite things about anything I’m about to purchase).  It even includes a space for chop sticks and your soup spoon! Wow!

I don’t believe this set is available for purchase yet, but you can contact sadri.omid@gmail.com for more details!

Sometimes, someone can mean so much to you, and not even the truth can change your mind.

(From one of my feeds, don’t remember which one)

http://failblog.org/2009/12/20/sex-ed-fail-3

see more Epic Fails

First… how does she think babies are made? Secondly, one of my boyfriends? I’m lead to believe she’s probably ten!! Lastly, why wouldn’t you believe your mother, she had you! And if you didn’t believe her about how people get pregnant, why didn’t you ask her how else people get pregnant!

Star Wars Weather

Star Wars fans…. finally, weather news we can all finally understand!

I have a lot of love and patience…. even for those who don’t deserve it. those who don’t deserve it need it the most, and I’ll be the first to give and offer those things.